| Chatty People |
[17 Jun 2009|08:05am] |
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I've cross-posted this to myspace and facebook as well.
What is up with people who chat endlessly with strangers? The other morning when I came into work, some dude was talking the night shift's ear off about his application for unemployment and his circumstances and blah blah blah and I was thinking, this dude better not talk to me after the night shift leaves because it is way too early in the morning for me to be polite. Later in the day, I can fake politeness when strangers think I somehow want or need to know their life story. You know the type of people I am talking about. You're afraid to say a simple "good morning" because you can tell that instead of hearing a greeting, the chatter is hearing "Tell me ALL about yourself and how you came to be." This morning I came in, and once again, a chatter was chatting with the night shift. Luckily, I woke up early this morning and decided if he started chatting with me (which he ended up doing) I could handle it. I talk a lot but chatters perplex me. I work with one and I live with one (my mom.) My mom will talk even when I leave the room and I have to say "Mom, you realize I don't hear you when I leave the room, right?" The one at work will talk, and then some noise will overshadow her, and I'll be like "Um.. I can't hear you over the noise." Like, how can you not notice that when someone leaves the room or when there is a loud airplane flying over you or when you are dragging the trash can loudly, that it would be a good time to pause your conversation?
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| I LOVE MY FRIEND PRITA'S EP! |
[23 May 2009|08:28pm] |
AND I DON'T THINK I AM BIASED BECAUSE SHE IS MY FRIEND.
It is poppy with an indian flavor. The clips don't do it justice! If you want a copy, tell me and I'll find a way for you to get one.
In the meanwhile, check out clips:
http://www.myspace.com/pritarocks
or
www.pritamusic.com
I have been listening to it nonstop since I got it. Love it. Very emotional.. indian flavor.. she's a voice for us first generation indian kids. Way better than Raghav or Jay Sean. Very full of emotion.
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| will there ever be a time that i don't feel this way? |
[30 Jun 2008|08:06pm] |
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sometimes i don't know what is better for me.. to be isolated or to be around others. i know there should be a middle ground, but sometimes just being around other people feels draining. i think it is because i have assertiveness and boundary problems. getting too close to someone is always scary for me. it seems like if i can keep enough of a distance, there is less conflict. i know conflict doesn't have to be a dirty word but i feel drained by conflict. i feel drained in general. hence this short entry... i guess i'll write when i have more to say....
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| I can not believe it. Only I can. |
[11 Oct 2006|10:53pm] |
Because how would I have ever learned of this if I hadn't been flipping through the channels on the satellite dish my parents have, and have been surprised to discover that we have two indie channels that provide indie media.
Is this really happening?
A plane hits a new york city high rise and you get a 10 to 20 minute spot on Larry King... but the mountain tops of Appalachia are being blown up to make way for coal mines, and you don't hear about it in the media? What kind of society are we becoming when celebrities who drive with their babies in their lap becomes more of an outrage for the American public than THIS?
Here's a blurb from the article:
Not since the glaciers pushed toward these ridgelines a million years ago have the Appalachian Mountains been as threatened as they are today. But the coal-extraction process decimating this landscape, known as mountaintop removal, has generated little press beyond the region.
Check out the rest of the article here:
http://www.grist.org/news/maindish/2006/02/16/reece/
Also, check out a documentary called "Kilowatt Ours."
Google it. Do it now.
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| Long time, no write |
[26 Sep 2006|10:19pm] |
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I think that I will start blogging here instead of on my myspace. Way too many people that I associate with on a daily basis are on myspace. I have been a blogger for years but I also think I'm going to try to reduce my blogging. I think that blogging here will allow me to be more honest since I know that I have blogged with "ulterior motives" on myspace before.
I guess I'll start with an update on what has been going on in my life.
I graduated from FSU in April. I had plans to go to India, but decided I would stay in Tallahassee instead and find a full time job and pursue some sort of financial independence. I am working currently, and I absolutely LOVE MY JOB. I love the people I work with and they have been so supportive of me these past couple of months, with my car and my emotions breaking down constantly, having no place to live, having no money, etc etc.
I do not regret my decision to stay in Tallahassee. I am feeling positive and hopeful about my decision and about life in general.
I have a one bedroom apartment that has yet to be furnished and I have been procrastinating on putting out resumes. I did give my resume to my current place of employment and am really hoping it works out here, but also, now that I have a place, am going to resume my job search. I'm just tired of people asking me how its going because then I feel pressured to be like "Great! I did this and this and this" when, in reality, I haven't been as on it as I could have been.
I have no furniture, so tonight, I am staying with my ex roommate, Mandi. I love her to death and she lives right down the street from me.
This weekend, I am attending one of my fave coworker's wedding in Tybee Island, Georgia. I'm very excited about that as well. I am excited for Chris and for those of you that know me well enough, you know why.
I'm getting really tired of the temper tantrums that a good friend of mine throws. In the past, I have dealt with them maturely and apologized anytime I was out of line or let her know how much her friendship means to me and how I don't want something small to ruin it, but at this point, I figure she needs some tough love. I'm tired of her attitude problem and if she wants to stop talking to me just because I told her I wasn't in the mood to hear her problems one night (when I've listened to them for years, offered advice, given her positive alternatives, etc.) then I guess that she can throw away our friendship. I can only have so much patience for those that I love and I have no patience to always be the bigger person.
I've been passive agressive to many in the past, including people I care about a lot, like Julie and Jarrett, and I know from experience, it doesn't work and isn't mature.
Not only that, I have been taught many lessons in my own life by other people's "tough love."
I know that she is very depressed right now, so maybe I am "abandoning" her, but again, when people that really care about you start to leave, you have to wake up and take responsibility for your life and your happiness.
It happened to me in Orlando. I treated my friends like shit... so they left me alone and I had no one. Sometimes the best thing that people can do for you is to NOT help you so that you can help yourself. And yes, this is coming from a crisis counselor. I want to be there for my friends but it is one thing to let someone constantly bitch to you, and it is quite another for them to get offended when you tell them nicely that tonight your own shit is bothering you and you aren't in the mood and then for them to blow up at you and accuse you of not being a true friend.
And I'm done venting about that now.
So, life is good at the moment, I hate it a lot less than I have in the past, and I have decided to change my perspective on the one thing that still gets to me pretty badly (my parents).
I have decided that I will spend time with my parents, overlook the annoying as much as I can, love them, and cherish the time I will have with them because they aren't getting any younger. My brother suggested that approach that to me and I realized that not getting along with them is hurting no one but myself. I went home this weekend and it didn't drive me nuts. I spoke nicely to my dad instead of running away from him or ignoring him. In the past, my method of communicating with him has been to look away and talk "at" him rather than to him. I painted my brother's bathroom instead of sitting around and sulking. I hope that this is the start of a new approach to my family. I hope that I can keep this up :)
One thing that is very hard for me to accept is my dad's abusive language towards my mother and if he does not stop, I will talk to him about it.
But yeah, life is grand for now. Until next time!!
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[04 Jul 2006|03:01am] |
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i need a drastic change in my life. a spiritual makeover.
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[30 Jun 2006|04:21pm] |
I think that there are people in this world that can't NOT be with someone else. I'm pretty emotionally dependent myself, so I guess I can sympathize..
I have this friend who seems to "fall in love" with every person they come across.
I have another friend that goes stir crazy anytime they are single.
I guess it isn't necessarily a bad thing. Everyone has their quirks. I certainly do.
But when it comes to these two people, I have stopped indulging them.
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[01 Apr 2006|11:22am] |
I have questions
I have doubts
I have words that are aching
to come out of my mouth
I question love and
I question faith
I question forever
I question you
and our future together
but I won't say it out loud
I can't say it out loud
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[05 Mar 2006|03:50am] |
I don't know if these are clips from a supposed documentary that Hanson was doing on the corporate take-over of the music industry, but if it is, I'm really digging it:
www.areyoulistening.com
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| I should keep studying |
[01 Mar 2006|11:04pm] |
Update on what is going on in life right now.
I know you love my entries in list form.
1. I graduate April 28th! WHEE! I AM FINALLY GRADUATING COLLEGE!!! TOOK ME LONG ENOUGH!
2. Spring Break starts this weekend. I leave for North Carolina on Sunday morning for a community service trip for school. I'm excited, although it would have been nice to just have that week off and finally have time for myself.
3. I have been seeing a therapist since January. It costs me 80.00 a month, but it is worth it.
4. I love love love love love love love my Global Justice Movement class. This class is going to change my life.
5. I am probably going to be very sleep deprived tonight, because I have a midterm tomorrow that I'm not ready for and I am at work til midnight and I have to be back early. I fucking hate Thursday mornings.
Nothing all that interesting. Looking forward to having a break from it all and going on a road trip. Hoping the next two months fly by as quickly as these first two have.
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[01 Mar 2006|10:58pm] |
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George W. Bush is a fucking MORON. How can you be that moronic and not be ashamed of yourself? Of course, he is not the only moron out there, but, being that he is the president, he is a representation of the American people, at home and abroad. He spouts moron slogans at the public, assuming that we are morons who will believe them. And then of course, you have those morons that do. It is a vicious moronic cycle.
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[26 Feb 2006|09:39pm] |
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It's official. I hate life.
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| lame sense of humor runs in the family |
[28 Jan 2006|09:41pm] |
RosyTintedLife: im going to NC for spring break
Kenshin0120: why?
RosyTintedLife: to do community service
Kenshin0120: Cool
RosyTintedLife: work at this school
Kenshin0120: where in NC?
RosyTintedLife: asheboro
RosyTintedLife: some small town
Kenshin0120: why are there so many boros over there?
Kenshin0120: greensboro
Kenshin0120: asheboro
RosyTintedLife: LOL
RosyTintedLife: what else?
Kenshin0120: WHAT THE HECK!?
Kenshin0120: I dunno
RosyTintedLife: hahahah
Kenshin0120: I bet there are moro
Kenshin0120: haha
Kenshin0120: =D
RosyTintedLife: LMAO
RosyTintedLife: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA
RosyTintedLife: LMFAO
RosyTintedLife: HAHAH OMG
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[28 Jan 2006|09:22pm] |
I feel tired all of the time. I don't even feel like talking to my friends because I know if they call or IM or whatever me, I'm just going to say that I'm tired and be too zoned out to talk to them.
No one wants to talk to someone who constantly complains about how tired they are, but I am tired. I am going to figure out little ways to maximize my energy. I take naps in the car sometime. hehe.
I am supposed to be going to a party tonight but I'd rather go to bed right now.
Expect to not talk to me much for the next four months. I apologize in advance.
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| At the risk of sounding moralistic, things that never cease to disgust me... |
[26 Jan 2006|05:40pm] |
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I am disgusted by how content people are in their laziness, apathy, greed, and ignorance. Not only am I disgusted in how content they are, but in how unapologetic many of said people are. I am not exempting myself when it comes to being ignorant on issues that I consider important. I myself fall into cycles of the comfort of daily routine and the comfort of not challenging myself. I am nowhere near a perfect human being, and as much as I climb onto my soapbox, I don't think I have ever claimed to be. I need to make that clear. I understand that we are all limited in certain capacities and that is easier sometimes to not think outside of the box, to ignore things if they cause us too much stress or seem to be like too much of a challenge, etc. But what will never cease to disgust me is how unapologetic people are for those things.
For example, I remember once being in a Social Problems class. There are many academic subjects that I can understand people being apathetic about. What I can't understand is some of the people who listen to a lecture in social problems, have actually elected to take the class-- You would think that type of class would either attract people who care, or Sociology majors... Again, people who might actually give a shit about something--sit in a class lecture about poverty and social problems in our culture and then are asked to break into groups and have a discussion. Of course I am put in the group with the stupid, gum chewing blonde whose mommy and daddy pay for her education, is decked out in clothes from the GAP, smacks her gum and claims "I don't think there are any problems." *smacks head*
Okay, my daddy and mommy pay for my school too, and I know that nowadays, a degree is just a commodity and college is just a thing to do, but for the LOVE OF GOD!!!!!!!!!
Second case in point.. I am in a FASCINATING class called Global Justice Movement. We are talking about things that I've been wanting to learn about forever.
The corporate media and corporations are infiltrating and influencing our quality of life and no one gives a damn. Even worse, giving a damn seems to be a "hippie" lost cause.
That's right. Hand over your freedom without a fight. Drink your Starbucks (which I'm actually doing now), watch your COMCAST cable channels, get your degree, and coast through life not giving a shit until it affects YOU.
Or for you poor people who claim that latte drinking liberals are the ones who talk about social change, eat your Burger King, become obese, believe everything you hear, and listen to shitty radio.
No one wins out with this kind of lifestyle- not those of us that can afford our lattes or those of you that can afford your happy meal. The only person that wins out is the person raking in the money by dividing us, confusing us, and controlling us.
Why am I this bitter right now? Do I think everyone in this world doesn't care? I mean, I'm drinking Starbucks right now. But I also realize that I'm about to enter a lifestyle change. A lifestyle where I am conscious of my surroundings, where I don't let laziness limit my intellect or my political consiousness, and where I am in control of my choices. So scary and so radical!! Like those damn hippies!
I am bitter because, once again, our class has been broken into groups, and once again, I am surrounded by morons who don't care. There are people who care in my class, but by the luck of the draw, I am grouped with one guy who claimed that we needed to all give each other A's for our peer evaluations (I didn't think this was one of those classes that would attract the type who were just worried about what grade they would get and how they could fix it so they'd get the desired grade. If you pull your weight, you'll get an A you fuckwad) and who actually said this today while we were talking about corporate media.
"I wonder where he gets this stuff. I've never heard or seen any of it." (Um... well DUH dumbass, what do you think the point of the lecture is?)
"Honestly, I really don't care."
Then you have the girl who looks at all of us blankly while we are supposed to be having discussion like she is too cool to participate and those of us that care must be dorks. And this is an upper level college course. I thought these people graduated from HIGH SCHOOL years ago.
But then.. there is this ADORABLE boy in class who you can tell cares. I'm not sure if he is gay or straight, but I know that I want to get to know him.
And then I want to make out with him. That is my goal this semester.
Well.. among finally getting politically involved in a movement that I've been wanting to get involved with for some time now.
I have friends who I sometimes think I overwhelm with my politics or my passion. Even Chris claims to not be interested in politics.
Politics are a part of who I am and they will probably become an even stronger part of who I am in the future.
Ignorance, Laziness, Apathy and Greed are four qualities that will do nothing but limit the person who chooses to be content with posessing them.
xposted to myspace
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[23 Dec 2005|11:51pm] |
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PS- I absolutely love the holidays.
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[20 Dec 2005|11:53pm] |
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Getting ready to come home, I started feeling really anxious out of nowhere. I felt like I was going to have an anxiety attack and I actually cried on the way home. I have to say though, that being home isn't bad. For the first time in God knows how long, my parents actually had FUN with us. We played ping pong. I'm in Orlando and DON'T want to kill myself. It is a miracle. ;)
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| An update on my life |
[17 Dec 2005|07:23pm] |
I'm bored at work so I guess I'll update on various things. The holidays are stressful. A good kind of stressful, of course, but stressful nonetheless. I've been running around and I still have gifts to buy. I'm trying not to go too crazy with the money I've just received because that is how I got myself into the situation I was recently in. I am actually keeping track of it this time.
Tomorrow, I will scramble to get a haircut and do some more shopping before I head home. My sister is in Key West right now with her husband and my mother just now got back from India. I bought everyone stockings. I'm so incredibly excited to be with my family this holiday season.
I think I have always had a misconception of the meaning of extraverted and introverted. I am introverted. I do NOT like partying all the time. I prefer time to myself, taking baths, cooking dinner... I always thought introverted meant that you are socially awkward, which I have never considered myself to be. I am going to stop trying to please my friends all the time by saying "yes" whenever they ask to go out, and then getting irritated that I said "yes." Not that I don't like to go out, but I do NOT want to drink and go to a bar. For a while, drinking helped me deal with various things that were going on in my life, but now I'm seeing a therapist for those issues..
My prospective schedule for next semester: (remains to be tweaked around a little)
M: 9-12 (lab), 12:20-3:20 (classes)
T, Th: 8-1:30 (work), 3:35-4:50 (class), 6:45-9:30 (volunteer training assistant)
W: 9-12 (lab) 12:20-3:20 (classes), 6-11:30 (work)
F: 9-12 (lab) 12:30-3:20 (classes)
S: 8-1:30 (work)
I know my hours for one of my labs is going to be switched around a little, and I have yet to schedule the other lab I'm in, which will be for six hours. I also am not sure yet if I'm being a volunteer training assistant but I'd like to be. I really enjoyed it this semester.
The classes I'm taking:
Abnormal Psychology, Psychology of Personality, Global Justice Movement
And come the end of the semester, my goals are to have aced all of those classes and to be a COLLEGE GRADUATE!!!!! FINALLY!!!! (on my way to graduate school, but not right away)
After I graduate, I will continue to work where I do (And I love it, because it combines my interest in counseling with my interest in community outreach. I love the people I work with and I love the environment). Probably get a second job as well if I'm not able to apply for a full time position. If I get a second job, I'll search for one doing research, like I'm doing now, so I can add it to my resume.
When I graduate, I will study for the GRE and start thinking about graduate school, although I have no immediate plans to go. I bought a book yesterday. "Insider's guide to graduate programs in Clinical and Counseling Psychology." My grad student recommended it to me. I think I might eventually specialize in Community Psychology, which is a part of Clinical Psychology but is more representative of my interests.
I have no doubt in my mind that I will acheive my career goals. I have my sister to thank for that drive, although I never really tell her. I guess I don't want to yet, because a part of me feels like they won't believe in me until they see the fruits of my labor. Not that I'm doing any of this to prove anything to anyone else but myself.
So a certain person who I've never really liked and only had a cordial relationship with through the years took it upon herself for some unknown reason to IM my brother and talk about how she is worried about how I'm in love with Chris and how he's a bad guy or whatever. She actually went into the details of our situation. I don't know what posessed her to do it, because it could have REALLY gotten me in trouble if Jatin had taken it seriously and decided to confront me or to tell other people in my family about it. Luckily, Jatin just IMed me to be like "Why did that redneck dumbslut IM me about you? It pissed me off." It made me happy to know that he was pissed off on my behalf. He said he knew she didn't mean it against me, but he took it that way. :) AWWW. My brother loves me. *warm fuzzies* Honestly.. I think right now is the closest that me and Jatin have ever been. I hope it stays that way. I even made him something for his birthday :)
I was like "I really don't know. I'm smart and know what I'm doing." He said "I know" and I was so relieved.. because he could have made a big deal about it or lectured me and he did NOT KNOW about me and Chris' situation. He's only met him once and did describe him as "shady," but once again, while I would understand if my friends and family were concerned about me and Chris (as they have been) and while I thank them for their concern,
I am NOT STUPID. I know what I'm doing. I'm not going to let ANYONE get me in trouble or screw shit up for me. I'm VERY RESPONSIBLE. I would never marry or have children with someone who would not be good to me or make a good potential father to my children.
I IMed her, confronted her about it, and told her not to talk to my brother because he doesn't like her. This is the part where I'd say "DUMB BITCH," only maybe she wasn't doing it to be a dumb bitch, so I won't say it. I suppose she could have done it out of concern, although I don't really believe that she is a human being and I'm not sure androids have the ability to experience concern for others. But it was a bad fucking idea on her part. I have a LOT to lose if me and Chris' situation comes out in the open.
This is the first time that I'm cool with my family, and something like this could FUCK IT UP. Plus, it isn't even a concern right now. Right now, I'm focusing on school and work, doing AWESOME at both, mostly BECAUSE of CHRIS (he motivates and inspires me), and me and him have time before we'd get into a serious relationship together.
UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But I'll end this on a positive note. I'm pretty happy at the moment and hoping to work on my suicidality and other mental health issues. The holidays are coming up and I have so many wonderful and special people in my life that help me get through the bullshit-
including you guys! Some of you I've never even met, and you take the time to leave me notes of encouragement when I'm down. That I appreciate deeper than you will ever know. At the same time, I realize more and more everyday that my happiness is in my own hands. While no one can do anything alone, nobody can truly help anyone but themselves. People have to take responsibility for their emotions and lives.
I take responsibility but I also need others to help me on my bad days. I know now that I have those people I need.
I have people where I work that care about me. I have professors who I work with that care about me.
I have a roommate that cares about me. I have cousins and siblings and parents that care about me.
I have a wonderful, amazing best friend/love interest that cares about me.
I have friends that might be flakey with me, but still care about me.
I have people on livejournal that don't even KNOW me and care about me.
:) Happy Holidays to all of you beautiful people.
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| Rundown |
[15 Dec 2005|06:27pm] |
1. Amazing what you can get done when you put your mind to it.
2. Got hired. YES.
3. Had a screening interview for a therapist. Filled out the MMPI. That thing is fucking obnoxious.
4. Bought stockings for all my cousin's and some presents for Kapil and Anu.
5. Spent like 200 dollars at Bed, Bath and Beyond
because I know everyone cares.
Love not having a phone.. just don't like not having caller ID. Ugh.
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hellishutopia's journal